Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying...

The Way I See It, I just need to put this all out there. I want a baby. Yep…me. The woman who her whole life has been anti children now finds herself desperately trying to get pregnant to no avail…yet. I say yet because I have to hold out hope that we will one day have our own children.

I went off birth control in May hoping to get pregnant by July or August. We have been actively trying to conceive since June 2011. Nothing...yet. I feel like all I do is wait to see if I am pregnant month after month, just to be disappointed month after month. Everyone says 7 months of trying is nothing and not to get discourage, but it is hard. To make it worse it seems like everyone around me has gotten or is pregnant and it is like it happens at the drop of a hat. There has always been talk of me having endometriosis, but I never had the exploratory surgery done to get a definite answer and I still don’t want to. If I do have this it could be why we are not getting pregnant since only about 3% of women with endometriosis can conceive on there own, if at all. Then, to top it off, a few months into trying I started getting a period about twice a month. After two months of this happening I went to my doctor where she said, based on my obsessive tracking of everything that was happening with my body and our sex life. She said that I was probably ovulating during one of the times I thought I was having my period. So she took a look at all my “notes” and we found out that I do not have a normal cycle. (There’s a shocker since I have never been normal with my health.) My cycle is every 36 to 40 days and I do indeed bleed when I am ovulating. So even after knowing all this, she showed me how to track when I should be ovulating. After another couple months of trying during my fertile time, we still are not pregnant. Then I finally broke down and bought some ovulation kits to see if the time she was saying I was ovulating was correct. Sure enough after getting the tests she was right on the money for when I am ovulating. After having probably 4 months now of having a general time frame for when we should be trying that was correct we still are not pregnant...yet. When I say trying, I mean we were all over it trying. Trying so much in fact, it became our job. This month was the first month using the ovulation predictor kits so I knew exactly when I was ovulating and this was also the first month that I did not bleed when I was ovulating. I took a test today, which is way too early especially if I am on a 40 day cycle this time, and it was negative. So here is to wishing and hoping and thinking and praying that we will finally get the positive pregnancy test and baby we have been trying so hard to have. To be continued…